fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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