Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
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you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
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Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize