Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
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