Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
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