grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize