does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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