Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
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A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
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seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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