i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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