You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I'm bleeding and have questions
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