The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize