Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
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