my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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