I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
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Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
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I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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