I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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