I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
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