i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
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She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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