dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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