You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I booty called her while she was in labor.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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