Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
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