The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
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We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
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But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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