I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
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she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
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The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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