Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
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Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
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How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
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