my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
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He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
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He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
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