Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize