So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
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I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
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i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
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