Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize