where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
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Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
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