sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He felt like a one man threesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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