who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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