Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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