Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
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After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize