i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize