Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
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But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
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I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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