the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
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