So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize