im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
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