I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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