My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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