i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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