i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize