At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
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