hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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