Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
there's paper in my vomit.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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