oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
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things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
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therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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