I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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