I'm gonna have a badass scar
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
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Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
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We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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