I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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