i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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