That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize