you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
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